Sunday, July 7, 2013

Loving life

I LOVE my kids. So much ....when they are with me... My life is complete. SO happy. I need nothing else ...just my kids.

It is hard to be divorced. Especially with a 6 and 7 year old. They don't want a replacement parent. They don't like it.

I try hard not to do that. It kinda sucks. But I don't. I've tried hard...if I date, my kids don't know.

Now they know about their dad ...and they are very upset..,she is moving week ...and they don't really like her.

Thursday, February 21, 2013

My Uncle Duck

My uncle Duck..

My first memory of him was he gave me a dollar. He said" Your dad will park at my can get a snack at the fair." I may have been around 5 or 6. But I never told dad...kept it in my piggy bank.

My uncle Duck.

I remember he had a cool old truck. From the fifties I was in the Wayne county outlook...I was so proud I had a cool uncle in the "paper" and his name was Duck.

My uncle Duck.

Grandma Ballou ( my most favorite person in the world) was dying...I came to see her whenever I could. Duck, a man of few words, told me..." you are her ,Korisa. She loves you because she sees you as her.". Then he left...that's Duck.

My uncle Duck...

When my uncle Junior died...was in a funk because didn't think dad was proud of me...he said, are you joking? Your dad has kept every newspaper clipping of you and I have them too!

My Uncle Duck...

He had cancer and got saved...and wanted everyone else to feel that peace.

My Uncle Duck..

Every visit he wanted to see my kids. He wanted ME to be happy. And if strength allowed , he visited ,laughed and was his crotchety hateful old self... That's what we loved about him.

He looks JUST like my dad as an older man. And he was a good man. I LOVE you so much Uncle Duck!!! Can't wait to see you aggravating and making fun of the angels in heaven! My life was blessed because you were there!!!

Wednesday, February 20, 2013

What we "want" or what we "need"

I have been happy as a clam all week...I have my kids, uninterrupted, for a whole week for Winter Break...being back in full-time mommy mode -although exhausting, is heavenly!

Except I have to work. Don't get me wrong...I LOVE my is awesome but I miss my kids and I kinda felt guilty that their time with me would be a majority of time while I was working. However...I'm SO grateful I have a job they can go with me to. They usually want to just stay with me and my 4-5 year olds even though there is an awesome program for their age 3 rooms away...

I was gonna have my mom come down and take them to they wouldn't have to do "daycare". But I got selfish...I want them with me during the nights and I made them stay.

At first they complained...but I said " you can stay with me in my class.". But middle of the first day, my boss said "sorry they have to go with their class, other teachers kids want to stay with them and they can't.".

I was so worried about Zander, not kaya...she makes friends anywhere. But he cried and was so scared. But I made him do it. His first day was scary but he survived.

The next day, he complained but I would peek in the window and see he was ok. My assistant was in his room a few hours and said ," yeah I see what you're saying. He will just sit by himself and kaya is fine with anyone."

And further in that day...he made a friend. And the next day, he made 3 more new friends. So many friends he is mad at me that he didn't get to stay the WHOLE day.

Tomorrow they go skating for a field trip... Zander has complained and cried saying " he hates skating !". I think he was tonight I was shocked when he took a shower and put on his field trip shirt to sleep in and told me "make sure you set the alarm mom, we need to get there early!".

Not what I think he or I wanted earlier this week...but making him push out of his comfort zone ( and mine, if I'm honest...worrying about him) was EXACTLY what we both needed!!!

Monday, January 14, 2013

Early morning duties

My kids. They are lovely. They go to bed easily. They sleep well.

Problem is ....which is ironic, how many years when they were babies did I want them to sleep later, they don't want to get up.

I take that back. Zander always gets up. That is the one trait he gets from me. We wake up....we are up. Kaya on the other hand, thinks she is a princess that should wake up on her own time.

My daughter takes after me a lot. We just face life, take the punches, and giggle. Y sweet little son...has a few traits of mine. The dimples and obsession with books...thought that was about it.

Until today. It was a rainy morning. Who wanted to get up and face it? Not me---for sure. Zan---same thing....the 2 early birds were thinking, "why does anyone have to get up and start their day in this mess?"

I turned on the light. I said "wake up". Mom's taking a shower...go take yours. It's a race...let's see who wins...". That is our normal routine. Princess takes her shower at night---I would rather slit my wrists than try to get her showered AND dressed in the mornings ... So I thought everything would be fine...

Then I hear a scream. A wailing scream...while I'm in the shower...I jumped out, ran to zan's room and he is crying..."I have no shirts to wear mom..."

Really? Do you see the picture? This is just one drawer. He has another full of shirts and a laundry basket full. He is in hysterics!!!

I finally said.." Just pick out a shirt and you can blowdry your own hair.". He smiled and put on a shirt...after he threatened to not wear a shirt, just a jacket, because he had nothing to wear.

The kid LOVES his long hair. That is one of the few things his dad and I agree on--the kid needs a haircut. But he refuses . I told him we could keep it long if it is dried and styled each day. Which he hates.

But he doesn't hate doing it himself. Happy as a lark.

Yep. I see a little bit of him in me when in comes to clothes and hair....sometimes you just want to make your own place and style in this world....I totally get it and makes life happier for both of us .

Tuesday, January 1, 2013

My ray of sunshine

This girl is insane...that's why the house is so scary, creepy quiet when she isn't here.

This Christmas was hard...really hard . But I made it through and am so ELATED I get my kids a full week with no interruptions.
But what makes it special now? My crazy wild kids.especially kaya...she giggles like crazy. She just makes my life fun.

What did we do today? Absolutely nothing important---we snuggled, we tried to house needs to be reorganized---I have stuff I need to do. But she just makes me laugh...nonstop. So organizing can wait...

Her newest "game" is to sing out lyrics of anything I say ...and then she just giggles which makes me giggle .

I love her spirit. Everyone says she is my mini-me. I sure hope so---I'd like to get that back. Especially this morning when I had to tell her a "secret". I whispered to her"you are the most beautiful, amazing girl I know...". She just looked at me and said "I know that---you tell me that every day.". And that made me smile...and I fondly remembered my own Mom telling me that all the time...

Hopefully I'm passing down the self confidence to this little gal that I had growing up. And hopefully I can tap into it myself and get it again myself.

Tell your girls daily how awesome they are...even if they are driving you does make a world of difference...

Sunday, December 2, 2012

My little angel

My little angel...well she doesn't always act like an far. She's often called my "mini-me" when she is at her I, or was I really THAT crazy?

But even though she is rowdy, out of control , NEVER stops singing or talking, she LOVES God. Always has---from a small child.

I'd like to say her faith comes from me taking her to church and Sunday school every week in her life . But it doesn't . When I was married we never went to church ...she went in ky when we visited and to Bible School once a year...and the little bit I taught her at home with me. Not a strong foundation , for sure.

But she has always believed. Zan. On the other hand---not so much. He grumbles and complains EVERY time we go to church . He doesn't believe because he can't "see" God. I still remember one time we went after an awesome worship song and Kaya looked at me and said "how can Zander not believe in God after that? I think we should just pray for him mom."

So my little angel worked on my heart a little this weekend.

It was my weekend with the kids ...which I always look forward to...but it was also the Friday night for the daddy-daughter dance at her school. And I was slightly pissy at my luck--why does it fall in my weekend..blah,blah,blah.... But I curled her hair, fixed her up "fancy", and got her ready for her first fancy dance. After she was ready I fixed dinner and caught her "praying" ( I snapped a picture of course). I asked, " What are you praying about?". She said "I'm thanking Jesus for a mom that makes me look pretty and a dad I can dance with tonight.".

She had a blast and zan and I had fun with our time together. We also had fun together Saturday . Probably too much fun. Ball games, gym time, play date, Christmas lights...I was exhausted !!! So exhausted I didn't set my alarm for church . We could skip this week-no big deal!

But at 8 am I felt a sweet little kiss on my cheek and someone saying ,"mom, shouldn't we get up and get ready for church...or did we already miss it?". So I got up, texted my friend Kim ( who also felt lazy like me today) and we all went to church .

So glad we did. Was one of the best messages I've heard ever. Like it was written just for me.

I've often joked K was going to grow up to be a missionary (if she finds time in between being a rock star and publix worker) but maybe she is already doing that. She was a missionary to her slacker mama today..

I'm so grateful for my spunky, sassy little angel ...

Thursday, November 22, 2012

Parade with the family

Every year on thanksgiving I look forward to watching Macy's Thanksgiving parade. I always get teary-eyed when the grand finale of Santa appears. Every. Single. Time. I used to hide it but now just let the tears flow---one of my sappy quirks I've just learned to accept.

But this year was my favorite parade viewing. It is the first year I remember having all of my family together and laughing and actually talking about the parade.

The kids at first grumbled that they had to watch it and not a cartoon but they soon danced to all the songs and got so excited about all the balloons.

I also enjoyed getting my picture made with my quiet, laid back "baby" brother while we giggled and made fun of mom's photo taking---I must say she finally figured out how to take a good shot.

But my favorite moment was when I snapped a picture of them all on the couch---when they didn't know it. The smiles, the play, the being together...that is the true meaning of Thanksgiving. And for that, today, I am most grateful.